"Chris" (Episode 1.04)

"Chris" is the fourth episode of Series 1.

This episode primarily focuses on Chris Miles and his struggles after his mother decides to run away, leaving only money in her place, thus forcing Chris to try to survive on his own.

Plot
It’s nearly 8.00am, and Chris wakes up find he has a Viagra induced hard on. The alarm goes off and in trying to turn it off, he switched on the TV instead. He gets up, feeds his fish with a combination of weed and orange pills, and then pins the empty box of ‘Erectagra’ on the wall next to all the other empty bottles and boxes. He goes into the bathroom to use the toilet but because of his hard on, he pees straight out the window. He tries adjusting his position but just ends up hitting himself in the face and falling over. Instead of using the toilet, get gets into the bath and stands behind the shower curtain while he pees. Drying himself off, he takes a shower cap to cover himself and goes down into the kitchen. He starts to prepare some toast when he notices an envelope on the counter with his name on. Inside, he finds thousands of pounds in £20 notes and on the back of the envelope he sees a note from his mother saying she will be gone for a few days.

Later, Tony counts the money Chris’s mum left him, announcing it’s exactly £1000. Tony asks if Chris’s mum said she was going on holiday and that Chris just forgot, but he doesn’t know. Just then, Anwar arrives and gets very excited about the money, even though it’s not his. Tony tells Chris to make the bets of it; he’s home alone and has £1000 to spend.

By that night, Chris has decided; a party. In the kitchen, Maxxie mentions that Chris has had an erection for 15 hours now. Anwar says he’s holding it down with sellotape. Chris comes in for some drinks out of the fridge, showing that sellotape hasn’t worked due to sweat stopping it sticking. Meanwhile, Sid is trying to chat up a drunk girl by telling her he doesn’t like her. The only response he gets is a mouthful of sick all down his shirt. The girl then passes out. Back in the kitchen, Chris is teaching a young boy how to roll a spliff. The boy knows a lot about the subject as it is. Anwar comes in and lets slip that Angie the psychology teacher has come to the party. Chris goes to find her as the boy asks Anwar if he has a decent supplier of drugs as he can shift it for him. Finding Angie in the living room, Chris puts on some more romantic music and asks her to dance. He convinces her to stay at least as he wanted her to be there. They dance for a few seconds before Angie decides she can’t do this and goes to leave.

Chris remembers he took Viagra, and Angie just felt his erection when they stood close together. She leaves the house and runs down the street as Chris shouts after her, trying to explain. The only people who listen however are an old couple who were just passing by. Upstairs in Chris’s room, Tony tells Michelle he thinks Chris’s mum is a nut for leaving all that money in her kitchen. Ignoring Michelle’s reply, Tony says he sure Chris gives the fish speed as they move faster than normal fish. Both start getting undressed, but Tony is still distracted by the fish, even when Michelle takes her bra off. Finally noticing her, Tony says he likes the fact that one boob is bigger than the other. Michelle covers herself up just as Sid comes in looking for a clean t-shirt. He quickly realizes what he’s walked in on and gets nervous. Just as he’s about to leave, Michelle asks him what he thinks of her tits and displays herself. She wants to know if one is bigger than the other. Getting a fresh t-shirt, he says they’re “nice” and quickly leaves. Getting into bed, Tony kisses Michelle and the fish swim faster than usual.

The next morning, Chris is sat outside waiting for the milk; a full crate in fact, which he takes inside. Jal finds him in the kitchen, saying that everyone else is still asleep. Chris asks her about her music competition, but she didn’t win. As they discuss her loss, they drink the milk from the bottles, getting a cream moustache each. He still has no idea where his mother is. In the living room, in a pile of bodies, everyone is still asleep. All except for Sid who is talking at Cassie about what Michelle did to him last night. Cassie just tells him that “your stiffy is digging into my back” and that there are other girls, but Sid misses the point; she meant she was interested in him. At the front door, Chris pays the deliveryman for 10 pizzas.

He finds he is short and goes up to his mother’s room to get some more. Looking through her drawers, he finds that all her clothes are gone. She’s not gone on holiday, she’s gone for good. Upset, Chris sits down in the empty wardrobe but closes the door and hides when he hears someone coming. Tony and Sid come in just in time to see the wardrobe tip over and Chris break his way out of the back of it. He says he was just checking what stuff his mother took with her, which was everything. On the plus side, his erection has gone down but did get seven years bad luck from breaking the mirror on the wardrobe. Later, everyone else watches some aerobics show on TV with the pizza deliver guy who’s still waiting to be paid. Chris comes in and explains that he doesn’t have any money to him now that he bought a new hi-fi and 4000 cans of beer.

At a electrical shop, Chris and Sid try to trade in the hi-fi to get some of the money back. The spotty assistant tells him he can’t accept it back as it has a poptart in the CD drawer. Chris tries to use the receipt to get his way, but it doesn’t cover poptart damage either. Desperate, Chris tells the assistant that he can help him get rid of his spots. He tells him to piss on some toilet paper and wipe his face with it, but he’s already tried that. Chris just picks up the hi-fi, and Sid his wheelbarrow, and they leave. Next they try the record shop, but before they’ve even got in the door the owner says no and demands they leave. Having exhausted all their other options, they arrive at the scrap heap. They wait outside a portaloo for the owner to finish his business. The man offers Chris some special pills from Albania, but Chris asks if he wants a hi-fi. He declines, says he can’t shift them. Chris even offers the wheelbarrow, but he already has a pile of those. He does offer £20 for everything, which Chris quickly accepts just as a dog pees on Sid. Chris changes his mind, and decides he wants paying in pills instead.

Back home, Chris has a good time with the pills, taking them himself and feeding them to the fish. The next morning, he wakes up in the hovel created by the party and finds his fish dead, probably from an overdose. He goes into the bathroom to bury the fish but finds the toilet missing. He throws the fish down the hole, followed by his last pill. Getting into the shower, he suddenly gets kicked out by a tramp who was sleeping in the bath. Still naked, Chris tackles the man and drags him out of the bath and pulls him out of the room but gets kicked and falls down the stairs and is knocked unconscious. Chris wakes up and opens the door, asking the man to leave. The man doesn’t want to go, so Chris tries to force him outside but ends up locked out himself. He tries to force his way back in but to no avail. The man says he can come back in a day or two when he’s calmed down. With no clothes or anything anymore, Chris walks down the street completely naked.

At school, Chris is looked after by Angie, who gives him a blanket. He gets upset, saying he’s messed up and now has nothing, but all Angie can do is replace his fallen blanket. Just then, all his friends walk in and Tony tells him to pull himself together. In the midst of conversation, Chris mentions he has a dad, so, after he’s got some clothes on, Jal takes him to see him. Ringing the bell, the door is answered by a woman in rubber gloves who introduces herself to Jal as Mary and invites them in. In the living room, Chris watches nervously as Mary introduces hers and his dad’s baby, Sammy. All three share an awkward silence before Mary asks the worst question of all; how Chris’s mum is doing. Chris lies that she’s fine. Mary decides to break out Chris’s baby photos. Chris says she won’t find anything of him, but she does and shows it to Jal. Seeing the photo, Chris says it’s not him, it’s Peter. Jal asks who Peter is, and Chris explains that he was his brother. Before Jal can understand this, as Chris has never mentioned him before, his dad, Graham, arrives and Mary runs off to tell him they have a visitor. Chris sits next to Jal but Sammy starts to cry. He goes over an picks him up to try to calm him down. Returning, Mary nervously helps Chris with Sammy by directing his finger into Sammy’s mouth for him to suck on.

As soon as Mary lets go, so does Chris, letting Sammy fall to the floor. Both are stunned, but Jal quickly picks him up. Chris leaves and before she follows him, Jal assures Mary that he doesn’t want money. When she gets outside, Chris is already running down an alley. Jal gives chase. Chris runs into the park and after a minutes reaches the cemetery and sits against one of the headstones. He takes out a cigarette and light up just as Jal catches up with him and sits down. Chris tells her of the best day of his life. He was at Cubs and he’d wet himself because he couldn’t get to the toilet because of some boy blocking his path. Everyone else laughed at him when they saw he’s wet himself. Peter then took him to the toilets and cleaned him up, taking off his own shorts and putting them on him. They then went back out, with Peter in his pants, but no one laughed. Chris asks Jal not to tell the others about any of this. She says she won’t and asks if his mother will come back. He’s sure she’s still around as she left flowers by the grave – the grave belonging to Peter Miles. Chris takes the flowers, but leaves Peter his cigarette.

That night, Tony explains to everyone the rules of their drinking game. Every time they see a nipple, butt crack or camel toe in the film, they have to drink a shot. Michelle asks what a camel toe is, but Tony just laughs, leaving Sid to try to explain. Basically, it’s “a minge thing”. Anwar thinks he saw a nipple, so he rewinds the tape to check. While all this is going on, Chris sits alone on the other side of the room. Upstairs, Sid runs into Cassie coming out of the bathroom. She blurts out that she thinks they should go on a date. Sid agrees when she starts getting technical. Back in the living room, they still can’t decide if Anwar saw a nipple. Jal says she doesn’t care, and drinks anyway.

At school, Angie shows Chris to a room in the teacher’s residence where he can stay. She says that anything he finds he can keep, by telling him to put them aside, but any damage done to the room could mean he gets kicked out of school. As a room warming gift, Angie presents him with a new goldfish in a pint glass. She wishes him luck and then heads to let him get settled in. Inside the room, Chris finds a bed, notice board, chest of drawers and a shelf. In the drawers he finds some shaving foam and a box of pills. He takes two, washing them down with water from the fish’s glass. He then pins the box up on the notice board and starts a new display to replace the one he left at home.

Characters

 * Chris Miles
 * Tony Stonem
 * Michelle Richardson
 * Sid Jenkins
 * Cassie Ainsworth
 * Jal Frazer
 * Maxxie Oliver
 * Anwar Kharral
 * Angie
 * Graham MIles
 * Mary Miles
 * Sammy Miles

Music Featured in "Chris"
Note: The music tracks listed below only refer to the music featured in the episode's initial airing. Many of the music tracks featured in this episode have been substituted for alternative tracks either for the BBC America airing or for both the US and UK home media release of Series 1.

The Gossip - "Standing In The Way Of Control"

The Earlies - "Kelly Brown"

Stephen Lenky Marsden - "Diwali Rhythm"

Adam And The Ants - "Prince Charming"

Lost - "The Gonzo"

Chemical Brothers - "Hey Boy, Hey Girl"

Jennifer Warne and Joe Cocker - "Up Where We Belong"

Sotero - "The Vibe"

Focus - "Hocus Pocus"

Fat Segal - "Lost Weekend"

Dylan - "Wigwam"

Add N to X - "Total All Out Of Water"

Spiritualized - "Do It All Over Again"

Unseen Skins: "A Friend In Need"
Cassie walks up to another student and asks him for his top, explaining that it's not for her it's for a friend. Anwar bets Maxxie £5 that she won't get it, Maxxie takes up the bet. She eventually does. She then tries to get his jeans, but he overhears and runs off. Then George walks along, Michelle tries to get his jeans. Maxxie bets £10 that she can't, which Anwar takes up. George decides not to. Maxxie says, "Double or quits" to if he can get George's jeans. Maxxie then kisses George and George then gives up his jeans, and to the realization that George is also gay, Anwar exclaims, "The whole fucking world is gay". The rest of the scenes are from the episode.